Job Searches
by EmmyPoo
Summary: The good jobs... and the bad ones for Maximum Ride characters. Guest starring Emily!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the character Emily.**

**Author's note: Please, please review! I'll give you a virtual Twinkie! My sister edited this. She has an account under the name Alice J. Wiggin. Read her stories, too!**

**Chapter 1- Saving the World Is Not a Breeze.**

**5 of many jobs Max should not apply for**

1. Sales Clerk

Max: What is that supposed to mean? I am perfectly cheerful!

Emily: Really?

Max: Name one time I was rude.

Emily: Let's look back on book 2, chapter 9 when you said to Gazzy, "I'm telling you to get out of here."

Max: (scoffs) Yeah. One. Whole. Time.

Emily: How about book 2, chapter 14 when you said, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard" to a FBI agent.

Max: So I'm not the most cheerful person alive.

2. PetCo Worker

Emily: You would try to set them free.

Max: Not unless they're mutants.

Emily: (pulls out snake)

Max: BAD MEMORIES! (runs off)

3. Vet

Max: What?

Emily: Let's take a trip to the vet.

Max: After seeing animals tortured, I must torture myself.

Emily: Step away from Fang's needles.

Max: Shut up! I'm creating drama for the readers.

Emily: Really? By being out of character?

Max: Yup.

Emily: (face palms)

4. Worker in a foreign country

Max: What would you like?

Customer: לחם, בבקשה.

**A/N: That means bread, please.**

Max Did you just call me fat? (Punches customer)

5. Likes Justin Bieber's music

Emily: (Takes out stereo and plays Justin Bieber)

Max: We give Canada Paramore, and they give us this.

**5 Good Jobs for Max**

1. Fang's Lover

Max: You have a sick mind!

30 minutes later…

Emily: (walks in on Max making out with Fang) Doesn't mean I'm wrong. (leaves just as Max turns around)

Max: Was that…Emily, I'm going to KILL you!

2. Kick-butt Ninja Assassin

10 minutes later…

Max: (Drops inside Pentagon from the roof) HIYAH!

Emily: Oh, dear.

Max: (Comes out with a job as a spy) Well, what are you waiting for? We have to get to Alaska. The government is suspicious about the moose there.

Emily: Never would have guessed you would get a job here.

Max: You underestimate me.

3. Sara Bareilles for a day

Producer: You have your big show today!

Max: Okay.

Later On

Max: (walks onstage.) She lived in a fairytale, somewhere too far for us-

Producer: What on Earth are you singing!

Max: Paramore. (runs)

Producer: GET BACK HERE!

4. Boxer

(During practice)

Max: So, what do I practice with?

Trainer: Oh, we have pros come in. You try to hit them.

Pro #1: OK, so-OOF!

Max: Oops. Is he all right?

Pro boxer #2: He is. Bet you $1,000 you can't beat me.

Max: Sure! (punches and knocks him down) Pay up. (Gets $1,000 and spends most of it on CDs)

Emily: You know, that guy is still-

Max: I'll give you $100 to shut up.

Emily: I'll get the duct tape.

5. Bully

MAX AT AGE TEN

Max: Give me $20.

Kid: I only have $1.

Max: Do you love Twinkies?

Kid: Yeah!

Max: Good. Give me yours.

PRESENT

Max: That was four years ago! And I swear it wasn't me; it was my clone.

Emily: Who cloned you?

Max: People. Remember book 2?

Emily: Oh, yeah…


	2. Boom, Boom, Fart!

**As you will notice when you read this chapter, there are only 4 bad jobs. If you can think of one ****FOR THIS CHARACTER ****please include it in your review. Thanks! (I'll credit you.)**

**5 Bad Jobs for Gazzy**

1. Perfume Salesperson

Customer: What's that smell?

Gazzy: My new perfume! Farts mixed with Chanel #5.

Customer: It stinks.

Gazzy: No it doesn't.

World: (Explodes from the horrible smell)

Gazzy: Maybe it does.

2. 18 Year Old

A\N: This story is set when Gazzy is 8.

Officer: (Standing outside Gazzy's car) Sir, may I have your driver's license?

Gazzy: Uh… yeah, I left that at, um, HOME! Yeah, home.

Officer: Really?

Gazzy: No.

Officer: (Gives Gazzy ticket to go to court)

**2 Days Later When Gazzy Is Supposed To Be At Court**

Gazzy: (Doesn't show up)

Officer: (Takes Gazzy to jail)

**4 Days Later**

Jail Cell: BOOM!

Gazzy: I'm freeeee! (Runs away)

Emily: I don't want to know how this ends.

3. Donut Seller

Gazzy: Donuts for sale!

Customer: OOH!

Gazzy: (Takes big bite) Thwe wreally gwood.

Customer: Ew!

Gazzy: What?

Customer: Don't talk with your mouth full. Say, can you take a picture for the paper? We need some pics about new businesses.

Gazzy: Kay.

**Next Day**

Gazzy; (Looking at the paper) Why did you make me look bad?

Customer: The donuts suck.

Gazzy: I can't sell donuts. WAHHH!

4. Chef

Gazzy: (Cooking) Hmm, I should sample this. (Samples). I'm not sure…(Continually samples and rings bell) Orders ready #67!(Hands empty pot to person)

Customer: WTH?

Gazzy: It's your order.

Customer: It's an empty pot.

Gazzy: You get a free pot.


End file.
